Boys

Updates (ABC Challenge)

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The A-Z Challenge was over for most people yesterday…I’m a little behind, but I thought I’d take this opportunity to evaluate progress in the areas I’ve been challenging myself.

A- Acceptance:  Took the A-Z Challenge…still with it.  Took the new job…still excited!

B – Boys:  I’ve stopped trying to understand boys.  Boys and girls are not meant to understand each other.  I am still trying to educate my boys (the little ones) about girls and mostly how to navigate the differences and not piss off the ones you like.

C – Confidence:  Meh.  Wearing a short-sleeved shirt today – does that count?

D – Diet:  Bummed about this one.  Stopped most carbs and alcohol, started Insanity and Workweek Hustle with my FitBit (getting in no less than 10,000 steps a day)…Not a pound lost.  Depressed and discouraged, I rage-ate pizza and wings a few times.  Even besides that, probably not doing too well with this one – and DEFinitely not doing as well as I know how to (as my skinny gynecologist pointed out when I expressed concern about recent weight gain.  Bitch.  Jk, I like her.)

E – Expectations:  I’m realizing that my internal clock ticks really fast…that’s helped some.  I’ve also had a conversation with my hott husband that might have given me more insight than before on how his brain works and why some things don’t happen the way I expect them to.  Besides, I would hate it if I knew what went on in my head went on in his too.

F – Facebook:  This one took for a while, but then I found myself stoplight-scrolling uncontrollably.  Today, I’m going to make the conscious effort once again to not look unless I have something I specifically want to find.

G – Grout:  Picked it…going with the one that’s the most like taking me on a date…cheap and easy 😉

H – Husbands:  Great success in loving without fear.  It isn’t as hard of a task as I thought…and it feels so good.

I – Intoxication:  Went drink-free for 5 1/2 days.  Have had many nights without, a few nights with one (none while home alone), and a couple of nights with two.  Probably need to do a 5-day drought every few weeks.

J – Jeri:  Called her so she could keep rubbing off on me.  Need to do it again soon.

K – Keuka:  57 days on the countdown!

L – Learning:  Learned how to delete a row on an inserted table in Word today…so I’d say this one is a success 😉

M – Magazine Perfect:  I have forced myself to leave a few things out that are not bothering anyone.  I haven’t straightened the pillows on the boys’ playroom couch in over a week.

N – News:  This one has been great – not tempted at all.  And the couple of times that I’ve caught the news, it’s been glaringly obvious how terrible it is.  It’s like eating super-sweet desserts after you’ve given up sugar for a few weeks…bleh.

O – Over-analyzing/Obsessing/Over-observing:  Caught myself reading every license plate the other day and then spending way too much brain energy arguing with myself over what year model a particular car was, but otherwise pretty good, maybe?

P – Plans:  Kinda had a grip on this one, then had a long discussion with hott husband that made me shift my grip, if that makes sense.

Q – Quixotic:  Still me.  Still happy about it.

R – Reading:  Haven’t read in a few nights.  Might put down the pedagogy and pick up a YA novel that I’d want to recommend to my future students.

S – SCR (aka Hott Husband):  Love. Him. So. Much.

T – Testing and Treadmills:  Too soon.

U – Updates! – Done!

Keuka (ABC Challenge)

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In 73 days, this family will make its annual pilgrimage back up to the holy land – known to others as Keuka Lake.

I hear all of the Finger Lakes are spectacular, but Keuka is the one where I’ve perched for two solid weeks of relaxation each of the past three years.  My hott husband has been there almost every summer of his life.  And last summer, it’s where we celebrated the 50th year of Maga’s Lake House and we were married on the dock in a perfect little gathering.

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His family home there is warm and welcoming, its hosts are laid back and gracefully hospitable, the lake is cool and clear, and the people are friendly.  But even if these things were not true, there’s something else extraordinary about this place…

They have a time-travel portal.

If you count their horses, the Amish might outnumber televisions, and they definitely outnumber air conditioners.  You might find some of what you need at the little grocery store, but you still need to stop at the butcher’s, the Amish market, and the fruit stand.  The summer days are long, the tables are large, and the windows are open.

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But here’s my favorite part of the time travel there:  kids get to be kids – without instructions or a plan or an itinerary or supervision, all day, all the while learning more than we could ever teach them.  Our kids and the neighbor’s kids run all day – All. Day. – up and down from the lake to the woods and around again.  They fish, build forts, make up games, swim, kayak, sail, paddle, run, run, run, did I mention they run?  everywhere?  When they’re hungry, they figure out how to eat while running.  When someone gets hurt, they clean each other’s wounds.  They celebrate the big catch together. They come up with creative things to make out of trash from the gully.  At dinner, plates get clean, stories get relived, brothers don’t fight, and a good hard sleep comes easy.  They strategize plans to most efficiently accomplish the assigned daily chores.  You can’t make this stuff up!  But they can.  And they do.  For four weeks straight.  They learn more there without adult supervision than in all the time and money we adults (collectively) try to “invest” in their development.  NOTHING is as important at their age as learning things for yourself.  That is hard to find in the suburbs, my friends.

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It seems like these days, if your kid turns out to be a self-sustaining adult, it almost has to be in spite of us, not because of us.  My father-in-law dropped this wisdom on us a couple of years ago – “Don’t handicap your kids by making their lives easy.”  But we do it every day.

My adult daughter is a walking reminder of this.  It is abundantly apparent what aspects of her life I kept out of and gave her independence, and which aspects I stunted her growth by  treating her like she couldn’t do it on her own (well, right, enough, etc.)

Challenge/Reminder:  I am going to stop doing for the kids what they can do for themselves.  Obviously, there are time constraints and bedtimes, but their ability-level is way higher than we give them credit for…and there’s a lot of things they should know how to do by this age, but they don’t – simply because we’ve never taught them.

So I might be the bad guy around here for a while, but in this whole step-parenting adventure, I’ve learned that my role is sometimes different than the parent – but just as important.

(Pretty sure it would be a big help if we do what we keep saying we’re going to do and cut off the cable…So many of these challenges are actually going to save us money – I’ve saved money on eating out, not drinking, not picking grout ((oops))…Feelin’ Pre-tee Good 🙂 )

 

 

Boys (ABC Challenge)

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I’ve known a lot of boys in my life.  I’ve liked some, loved some, hated some, and been irritated by many.  But you don’t know boys until you’ve lived with some.

Not just one – not just your dad.  Dads are different – they can do all the boy things and you don’t notice because you’re a girl and it’s your world when you’re the kid.

I live in a house with three boys now, ages 10, 12, and 43.  They are not like girls.  And they have no interest in learning the ways of the girls.  The big one has at least known enough girls to be adaptable, and my goal is for the younger two to learn to do the same.

I’ve raised a girl – seemed much easier to me.  Critics will tell you otherwise, but they’re probably boys.

My goal as step-mom has evolved from wanting to be one of the boys to being one of the girls they get to learn about early.  I no longer feel bad asking them to do “boy” things, in fact I delight in it.  I no longer make apologies for wanting things to be clean, for curtains to be straightened out after rough-housing, for the certain reward for “hmmmm!s” and “ahhhhh!”s at the dinner table, and for the proper arrangement of throw pillows on every couch and bed in the house.

They will remember me when they meet girls that expect the same.  They may not remember me fondly, but they will not be shocked or dismayed by this behavior – and for that ONE day, they will be thankful.

Boys are great, and I love these with everything in me – the big one more than anyone I’ve loved in my entire life.  But I’ve come to the conclusion that you can’t make a boy into a girl, and you shouldn’t want to.