So I noticed something this week, and it is the reason I felt like I needed to post something tonight.
I texted my good friend Danette mostly because we haven’t made contact in a while, and she’s one of my most ambitious friends. I told her I had started a blog – blamed it on what is likely a mid-life crisis – to which she texted, “Yay!! Mid-life crises can lead to all kinds of great stuff :)” And I thought, Wow…what a waste it would be to have a mid-life crisis and get nothing out of it! I don’t want a new life in the way that I think most people do…I love my hot husband, I love my home and family and my ten-year-old car, I know that spending money won’t make me happier, and I’m still a generally happy person regardless of my career conundrum.
I think what I’m most dissatisfied with is the fact that I pursued what I thought would be the pinnacle of my career, and the further I get indoctrinated to it, the less I feel like my specific gifts and talents are valued. And I feel most valued when I am doing those things that make other people say, “Wow, you have such a special gift!”
Thinking back, I do think my childhood spoiled me to that. I was/am an only child, and I grew up in a small town where creativity was valued but not exercised by most. So I stood out. Or at least I felt like I did. My freshman year in high school, I knew that most of my friends WEREN’T rearranging their parents’ living room or practicing piano or creating oil paintings for their dads’ offices. They weren’t dreaming of moving to NYC to play for Broadway musicals and enjoy a career in interior design (I do drive a Nissan Pathfinder, which was what I wrote in my Senior scrapbook would be my dream car. Score.)
To my point – I don’t make moves in the direction of my dreams when I feel satisfied with my present; it didn’t occur to me to go to college and earn more than minimum wage until I was pregnant with my daughter and realized that didn’t amount to much money for two people, and then I completed a four-year degree in two. My last blog post was Tuesday – I proclaimed that I would sketch out my children’s book, and I did – all of it – finally. My hot husband was at band rehearsal and I was feeling sorry for myself. Plus, he’s amazing about praising my productivity while he’s gone. I sketched out 13 pages, commissioned an illustrator, and explored my publishing options. But Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and today, life has been good all around. No authority has pushed me in the wrong direction, and work has been pretty gratifying. And I’ve done nothing toward my book, my piano clientele, or my painting “business”. (I did start on the camper reno today – pics to come…)
So I’m blogging because obviously when not provoked by dissatisfaction with my job, my strongest accelerator of action is to put in writing that I’m going to do something. Blogging has become a way to dare myself into action…put it out there, and you have to do it or you were wrong, and I hate being wrong.
So here are the goals for the week: Amid two Open Houses, one band parent meeting, a hair appointment, and shopping and packing for a Labor Day camping trip, I will – Nay, I MUST – edit and upload pages one through four of my book and enter Phase II of camper reno (Phase I – countertops and shower curtain – was completed today, Phase II is painting the walls.)
So thanks, Blog, for being the next best thing to a bad day at work. Together, you and Bad Days at Work might actually get us to where we want to be. 🙂